The End

This is hard to write. Today was my last day in my schools. I am no longer an English teacher. Every sentence I put on here sounds stilted, unreal, and that's actually quite fitting: it doesn't feel real at all.

Today was one of the most chill days I've ever had at my schools. I arrived at Qingshan at regular time, 8:30, and discovered that, a) graduation had been moved from that night to that morning at 9:30, and, b) all the 5th graders had been instructed to sit in the courtyard for the next hour until the ceremony began. So, there went English class.

We hung around for an hour, then went to the ceremony, which included a very solemn march of the 6th graders around the courtyard, several speeches and awards, and, of course, Zoe's English speech. Fortunately for me, the Director forgot to ask me to introduce her, so I managed to make it through this graduation without taking the stage, apart from a generalized "thank you" to teachers. It was really a very nice ceremony, with lovely little moments like the 5th graders singing a farewell to the 6th graders, and the 6th graders singing a welcome to the 5th graders. Very sweet.

Afterwards, Patty and I went back up to our classroom to discover that our classes would continue to be cancelled, so that the kids could clean up the courtyard. In the end, we had our last class of the day for about 20 minutes, and that was it.

But of course, that couldn't be it! Patty was nice enough to postpone her lunch and take me around to the 5th grade homerooms, so I could get a picture with all of my students one last time, and give them each a lollipop. These visits also, of course, included an extraordinary amount of signing--not just of papers this time, but of pencil cases, bags, and desk mats. One boy gave me a massive bunch of balloons from the graduation ceremony; one girl, Kelly, gave me a note which read "Don't go back to America stay at 5th grade forever! Please! Please!!"

As I drove away, a small contingent of kiddos waved me off from the third story. But still, even now, it's impossible to believe the truth: that was the end.

My eyes threaten to close on their own accord and never open again (to be honest, I've typed the last several sentences with them closed anyway), but I would be remiss if I didn't mention our epic THIRD PLACE FINISH in dragon boat racing tonight! I should really just leave it at that: we got third pace in our heat. I really shouldn't go on to explain that there were a total of three boats in our heat, and we lost to the next slowest by a full 55 seconds. But that also happened.

Oh well, we did at least finish the race, and make it back without holding up the race schedule, as has happened in the past. And afterwards we all ate watermelons and took pictures while Esther, Lydia, Paul and Alex frolicked in the rain; after that, Fonda, Chialing, Rachel an I, along with Evelyn and some of her friends, went to Chialing's cousin's place for some delicious papaya milk. So that was good.

Denial

I don't want to talk about it. Scratch that, I don't want to think about it. Actually, I don't want it to have happened, and by somehow leaving it out of my mental processes, I can pretend that's so: today was not my last day of teaching at Hanmin. Today was not my farewell to all the absolutely wonderful 5th graders I've had the privilege of meeting there. And it was also not my last day working with Maggie.

Except it was.

They're unfathomable, these "lasts." They represent the ripping out of my life of things that have become wholly connected to who I am, and who I have been for the past 10--almost 11!--months. Teacher Bekah, Bekah 老師--it was a title that fit awkwardly at first, like a new shoe. Now, though, it's been worn into a second skin, and I'm reluctant to take it off, especially since doing so means saying goodbye to the nearly 1,000 students, teachers, and administrators I've been able to work with here.

I can't think too much about it. I can't. Especially since each day brings a new goodbye, a fresh "last" to add to the ever-growing list. Last day of 6th grade at Hanmin, last day of 6th grade at Qingshan, Hanmin graduation, last day of 5th grade at Hanmin, Teacher Appreciation Banquet...It's a blessing and a curse, having my endings stretched over a week and a half. I'm reminded of the lobsters who, being put in water before it's boiled, don't even realize the water is heating up until it's over.

OK, so that's a bit morbid, but the idea holds: I feel like I'm being eased into The End so gradually that I don't--can't--mourn properly for each new step. Sure, I keep writing emo-kid-worthy blog posts about it--(sorry about that)--but it's hard to let myself realize, really, that it's ending. In class, I look around and tell myself, this is the last time you'll be here, but I can't get a real sense of it. I read the mounds of cards piling up on my desk--all very sweet, all reminding me just how much I love my kids--and I think oh, well, you might still get to see them on Tuesday and Wednesday... And yes, I might: I'll be physically present at Hanmin tomorrow and the day after for various events. But even then, there are no guarantees! And after that--nothing.

I'd better end there--no sense taking that course any further down its inevitably Eeyore-ish way. I suppose there'll be plenty of time to deal with the gloom later on--and I doubt my as yet un-summoned tears will stay away once I'm actually on the plane headed home. After all, I'll have nearly 1,000 reasons to be sad.

In the mean time, here's a more pragmatic, pictoral look at my day: a day, as I've said, of goodbyes, but also of candy and cards and smiling faces.

Soooo many caaaaaards!

Not pictured: the Teacher Appreciation Banquet tonight. It was great--scrumptious food, saw several of my students (their parents were on the PTA and/or were teachers) and fun talking with Maggie and Alison--but my camera was dead. So...that happened.

Love love love

As I pulled into the parking garage tonight and peeled my wet poncho off my back, I realized something: I had been "at school" for 12 hours. A long day, by most standards; especially coming as it did at the end of a busy week, I should have been exhausted and cranky. I smiled. Shortest 12 hours of my life.

The day began as has become the norm lately. As I get ready for the day, I look out my window: no rain. Right before heading out, I look out the window: no rain. I walk out my door, get in the elevator, and ride it the short 30 seconds or so to the bottom. The elevator doors open, and I walk out--to a perfectly timed downpour. Taiwanese weather takes Murphy's Law to new heights.

When I arrived, dripping, at Qingshan, I arrived to a day of little joys and good conversation--and a never-ending stream of Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen which made me realize, conclusively, that it is impossible to ever take yourself seriously again after leading a group of students in a call-and-repeat of "Hey, I just met you/ And this is crazy/ But here's my number/ So call me, maybe?" over and over again. In other news, the full lyrics to that song will ever again leave my consciousness.

Between classes, Patty arranged it so I could meet up with the 6th graders I didn't get to see yesterday, handing out cards and candy once in their home room--the first time since I first got here that I'd been to their homeroom, I realized, or met their teacher--and once in a tangle of 5th graders trying to come in for class, after the initial 6th grade showing was limited to just five boys. (They got their own special photo op, though!)

And don't they look thrilled about it.

Hey look, a homeroom!

Then, after a lunchtime radio session with Patty, I headed over to Hanmin to meet Alison for the 6th grade graduation that was going on there that afternoon.

The graduation...was...stupendous. It went on for over two hours; to spare you from reading and myself from writing the gritty details, here are the highlights:

• SO MANY AWARDS. Alison told me she'd heard they had 24 awards for each of the 11 classes; I lost track well before that, but they had, in addition to the top achiever awards by class (which I think went down to fifth place?), PTA choice awards, awards for special needs students, and awards for every class in every class subject--these awards featured a stage covered in an 11-by-6 grid of students, in between each two of which stood an award presenter, whose job it was to bow to them, hand them their award, bow again, step into the row for pictures, go back to their spot, and bow, after which the next row would step forward and the process would repeat. How do I know all this? Well, because I was called up to be a presenter for, not just one of these, but two; neither award set was for English, and neither Alison nor I knew what it was for. BUT, I did get to hand awards to my students! So, woo?

First prize: the smallest category of awards.

• FANTASTIC DANCING. To give the audience a much-needed break from all the awards, there were several intermission-type breaks which featured the many talents of Hanmin's students in other grades, predominantly the 5th graders. Which MEANS I got to watch my amazing 5th grade dance class in action once again, and this time photography was allowed! Pretty great, if you ask me.



Video forthcoming, whenever Youtube decides to stop hating me. But seriously, how many 5th graders do YOU know that can pull of Latin ballroom dancing?


 

• SUPERSTAR STATUS. Walking into the auditorium where the graduation was held, you'd think the kids had never seen me before (but somehow still knew my name). I posed for many, many a picture, and received many, many darling cards and gifts, including a fantastic neck pillow which will come in handy soon. I felt very loved, as all my wonderful students pressed around me telling me they would miss me. I'll miss them, too, more than they know.

After the graduation, Alison and I braved the renewed deluge in crossing the street back to Hanmin and our scooters, and then took off for a local restaurant for a graduation banquet with class 6-1, who'd invited us to join them first, much to the chagrin of the other classes who missed the ball. But it mattered little--within 20 minutes of us getting there, the entire restaurant was packed with Hanmin 6th graders there for their graduation banquets. It was a buffet, and it an absolute mad-house--in the absolute best way possible.

I spent the next few hours eating (DELICIOUS steak), chatting with Alison, posing for more pictures, and getting final wonderful moments with some of my favorite students, who kept pulling me aside just to say hi, or coming to my table for a picture, or coming en masse to toast me--my favorite moment of the night. There had been tears at the graduation ceremony, but here, it was all smiles and hugs and laughter: the perfect way to remember my great year with these kids.

I dare you not to smile.

So does Jay.

I hardly noticed time passing. By the time Alison and I left, the restaurant was all but cleared out, but I was still reluctant: leave my 6th graders for the last time? The thought was, and is, heart-wrenching. It can't possibly be that time yet.

The time has gone by so quickly. As the cascade of goodbye cards sitting on my desk attest, it doesn't seem possible that it's already been almost a year since I got here. But it has, and that means saying goodbye to all of my lovely students. And with so much love, and so many goodbyes to be made, 12 hours a day is far too short a time to spend at school.

300 Days

Today marks my 300th blog post. 300. Besides immediately calling to mind a certain big-budget film (THIS IS SPARTA!), 300 posts makes me realize just how close to a full year it is--just 65 days shy. And I won't even be here a full year; won't quite make that 65-day mark. Wow, the end is close.

It's fitting, then, that today Alison and I taught our 6th grade kids their graduation unit: words like "miss," and "graduation," and phrases like "Keep in touch!" and "This year was great!" and "Have a good summer!"

The classes themselves were less melancholy than that perhaps sounds--we're having them make posters for themselves and then having everyone sign each others' using the phrases we're teaching--but I can't think too hard about it, or I'll realize that we're on our last unit with the 6th graders. They graduate in three weeks, one of which will contain their final exam, rather than a class period. I only have them two more times. But I can't think about that.

To make matters even more melancholy, today was the last day that Ingrid and I were both at school: she's done with her program at the end of this week, and won't be there tomorrow because she's attending a concert. I will at least see her again Thursday--Teacher Penguin invited us to a BBQ--and I'm still hoping she'll change her mind and come to Australia with me, but all in all today was a day of choosing not to think about the many goodbyes to come.

...At least my students' posters were cheery.

...so yeah, those pictures' adorableness keeps me happy. As does the nail polish I put on today, which I just realized is SCENTED. So, my fingernails now smell like coconut deliciousness.

Goals for tomorrow:

1. Don't cry at the thought of goodbyes
2. Don't spend all day sniffing your fingernails