Halfway

As of today, I am halfway through my time here in Kaohsiung. I didn't figure this out on my own; rather, fellow Taiwan ETA Elaine posted about it on her Facebook and made me do a double take.

She said: "Today marks the halfway point of my time in Taiwan. It's been an amazing 5 and a half months and I'm sure the next 5 and a half will be even better."

Wait, it's been 5 and a half months? And I only get 5 and a half more months here? Both of those statements seem impossible to me.

Did I really not know Fonda, or Maggie, or Alison, or Patty, or Fiona, or Chialing, or Tom, or any of my other Taiwanese friends before 5 months ago? Did I really not know Margaret, James, and Emily, or Bunny and Jenny? Did I really not know my students? Had I really only met Karina, and Rachel, and Brittany, and Analacia, and Tiffiany, Emily, Lydia, Samia, Esther, Andrew and Steven only once, at a conference? Had I really never driven a scooter, or taught an English class, or planned a trip to Taipei (or anywhere else, independently), or grown to love tea, or tried stinky tofu, or had a conversation in Mandarin?

Have I really not seen my family or US friends, or driven a car, or stepped foot in America for five months?

It seems unfathomable.

On the flip side, will I really only be in Taiwan for 5 and a half more months? Will I really just be a plain old American living in America, then, just another of the horde of college graduates looking for a real job? Will I really be able to call up or stop by my family's place, or hang out with American friends, at will? Will I really just slip back into my old routines, old activities, old mindsets, as if I'd never left?

I'm determined that that last one, at least, won't happen: my year as a Fulbright ETA in Taiwan will never be reduced to just a line on my resume that I have to explain to every potential employer for the rest of my life. Even now, there are aspects of my thought processes which are irrevocably changed for the better. But some of it is irresistible: I will leave Taiwan. I will no longer drive a scooter, and there will no longer be tea shops on every corner to cater to my craving for grapefruit green tea, or fresh milk tea, and of course a weekend trip to Taipei will be out of the question.

I will be overjoyed to return to all my American loved ones. But I can't even think about the people I'll leave behind yet. That's the hardest part about building multiple home bases across the world from each other: you never get to have everyone you love in the same place at the same time. I have 5 and a half more months with my loved ones here, and I refuse to confront how short a time that is until I absolutely have to.

Wow, this post has taken a turn toward the depressing. But halfway does also mean that I still have half of my time to spend here, and 5 and a half months is still a pretty long time to squeeze in as much of the amazingness of life here in Taiwan as possible. And I will certainly try. After all, I'm only halfway.